I dont want to study... therefore....

props to ashley killer...  i <3 youu!  =) 

I <3 these girls.. 

Oh yeah.. and her too...  I suppose... 

And I really really really miss her...

Halloween with the Triple threat.

and THIS girl...  too busy for me noww.. 

I will NEVER forget this day.... '04 summer was definitely memorable.

The person i can chat  for hours with. 

I <3 UCLA!  GoOoOOo BRUINS!  yee.. i'm a nerd.  The lil one is too gangsta~

With 1 of the roomies..

got my hurrr did....

ok that's it for now... almost the end of my first quarter of my second year.. doing A LOT better..  BUT if i wanna keep that up.. my ass has gotta study..  bye! 

CASH RULES EVERYTHING AROUND ME.. C.R.E.A.M.! it's the money.. dolla dolla bills yaa''lllllll...

So this summer has been freaking great..  school is easy..  friends are here and catching up with old friends is always fun. BUT..  there is something that is xanga worthy in my book..  and that is an account of my first BIG.. hip hop concert. I've seen some small ones with just one performer in a small venue..  and that is still great..  the intimacy can't be beat.. but rock the bells was crazy...  So for those who don't know...  the Bells is an all day concert.. by all day i mean.. doors opening 12 noon till like i don't even know..  i think we ended at 1 in the morning. My friends swooped me up and we headed toward San Bernadino.. IT WAS EFFING HOT YO..  like HOTTT...  people were passing out and the portapotties... that mess was GNARSTY..  but it was great though. THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT STANDING ON YOUR TIRED ASS LEGS FOR HOURS WITH HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE.. WITH THE SUN BEATING DOWN ON YOU.. PEOPLE HOSING US DOWN.. LISTENING TO GOOD, REAL.. I MEAN REALLLLL  HIP HOP..We were all all hot.. tired.. sweaty.. feeling the exact same way.. but everyone was there kuz of one thing.. and that's love for true hip hop. It's unbelievable to turn around and see dozens of hands in the air..  heads rockin.. it's freaking beautiful..  What was even better was all the surprise appearances..  Not only was the usual line up there..  (Visionaries, Living Legends, Hieroglyphics, Redman, Nas, Ghostface and Raekwon) BUTTTTT..  there were guest appearances like Talib Kweli, Immortal Technique, Micah 9, RZA, AND GET THIS...  KRS-ONE...  That's right..   *whoot whoot* that is the sound of the police..  *whoot whoot* that is the sound of the beast! I was blown away..  not only was Nas's performance great.. but at the end.. all them lyricists were up there freestyling and it was just.. *sigh* I'm sure some of ya'll are reading this going..  Wuh? Huh? Weirdo...  but i don't care.. it's just one of those things that some understand.. and it's better to be there..  but yeah.. I <3 hip hop.. it's a culture.. not just a type of music.. it's about life..  love.. politics.. everything..   <~ that's right..  this is a look of contentment.. and no..  I did NOT do any drugs that day. Even though there was hella second hand weed smoke.. ugh..  but yeah..  I don't want to poison my body anymore so stop asking!

On another note.. I realized that if I had a love for God like I do for hip hop..  God would be delighted.. I'm trying right now..  really hard.. I know I've been blessed and I'm thankful.. I thank Him for all the beautiful things and people he's put in my life.. sometimes I'll be walking out of class and take a detour through the park at UCI.. and I realize that everything around you, all the life is awesome. God was truly all-powerful to have created all this. I hope that as I continue on with life..  He'll put more people in my life that will inspire me.

There's seriously not enough love in this world. It's such an awesome thing..

So I've been thinking... am I someone I want to be, or to better phrase the question..  am I the best I can be? I have a long long list of flaws and I'm aware of them... well most of them I think. I'm constantly trying to change those unfavorable attributes to better myself for God, the people I care about, and of course myself. I realized I need compassionate people. Apathy is dangerous. Complacency is the same. No one should be content with who they are. Why? Because no one is perfect and until you become perfect (which will be never) you should constantly strive to be a better person. So what defines "a better person?" I guess some could say it's relative, but I'd think it'd be safe to say that there's a general idea of what is good. I used to have the mentality that people should just accept me for who I am, but as I get older.. my perspective has changed. It's true that people should accept one another for who they are, but when you know that there are some aspects of your character that need some improvement, you shouldn't just sit there and say that it's something that should be tolerated. You should get your lazy ass off that chair and try to make some changes. I know when people see me..  the first thing that crosses their mind isn't.. "OOO look at that good Christian girl." kuz who am i kidding? I don't look/act/talk like one, but I believe change comes from the heart and slowly that should change my actions, thoughts, and lifestyle. It's a slow process, but as long as I get help and God's with me.. that's all I need.

************************

"Delaying gratification is a sign of maturity"

"Your actions define who you are."

"Revenge and justice are not the same."

"Though you cannot go back and make a brand new start, my friend. Anyone can start from now and make a brand new end."    Maxwell.

Just getting some stuff off my chest.....

I've come to terms with myself. I realized/learned a lot of things. I used to be angry with myself, but i know i'm not a bad person. I am already cried out. I'm tired. God loves me. My family loves me. My friends love me. I see how fortunate I am. I am sorry. I've done enough thinking/crying for the past two months. I'm broken. I'm mending. I fucked up. I'm weak, but strong. I have too much pride. I'm stubborn. I care too much. I need guidance. I need time. I know myself. I don't need pity. I need patience. I need encouragement. I am blessed.  

No matter what...  God knows my heart; intentions, guilt, and grief. He loves me with my weaknesses and faults, through the hardships, even when I neglect Him. That's all I need.

Be honest with yourself because God knows your heart.

[Verse One]
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]
Oh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I’m officially

[Verse Two]
All I do is lay around
Two years full of tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
I don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say
That I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you

[Chorus]

Its official
You know that I’m missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you

  weather sucks... school sucks... among other things